Between my business, kids and various other duties that make up my beautiful life as a work-at-home mom, there are some areas that sometimes take a backseat—I think we all know which areas I’m referring to. In an effort to liven things up, I decided to try one of those “flirty” videos that teach you exactly how to create some “pizzazz.” The infomercial promised more self-confidence, a sexier appearance and healthier… um, you know. Who doesn’t want those things? I bought it immediately when they threw in the free key chain.
Everyone leaves the house—husband at work, kids at school. I can barely contain my excitement to start my program today! In goes the first video.
Five minutes in, I’m sweating and wheezing as if I just completed a marathon. The warm up is now over. We move on to the chair routine. At one point, I am supposed to kick my leg over the back of the chair and do a sexy twist, landing on the chair gracefully. I instead kick the chair over, racking my shin in the process. I end my lesson by cursing profusely and nursing the purple lump that is now forming on my leg. How do I explain this one to the kids?
Maybe I’ll try the floor routine. How hard can that be?
Bending over to touch my toes is more painful of a sensation than I remember. I think I pulled a hamstring. Crawling across the floor on my hands and knees creates a popping sound reminiscent of stepping on bubble wrap—not sexy. I think I threw my neck out practicing whipping my hair. My self-esteem is now tanking.
There are parts of my body that I can no longer move. Dare I try the third video? It’s supposed to be the juicy one that’s sure to create “sparks.” Plus, quitters never win and I paid good money for this program, so I pop it in.
I got the first two steps down, taking the make-believe gloves of off my hands.
Steps 3-75 make me feel like a flailing goose with one leg. I fumble over my feet, have no idea what I’m doing with my hands and am reminded of the one time I tried to take an advanced aerobics class. I feel like a complete moron.
I tried a few more times to get the routine together and took several more weeks to get the guts to do it in front of my husband. I got points for effort, which was the overall goal.
The DVD set is now buried at the back of the entertainment center.
Amy Wright is a business nerd who rocks out to '80s music, loves the color purple (not the movie, but the actual color) and her lovely family. In her free time... wait... she has no free time, but if she did, she'd like to hang out in bookstores sipping on hot chocolate in complete silence.