My “Flirty” Attempt at Spicing Things Up

Between my business, kids and various other duties that make up my beautiful life as a work-at-home mom, there are some areas that sometimes take a backseat—I think we all know which areas I’m referring to. In an effort to liven things up, I decided to try one of those “flirty” videos that teach you exactly how to create some “pizzazz.” The infomercial promised more self-confidence, a sexier appearance and healthier… um, you know. Who doesn’t want those things? I bought it immediately when they threw in the free key chain.

Day 1

Everyone leaves the house—husband at work, kids at school. I can barely contain my excitement to start my program today! In goes the first video.

Five minutes in, I’m sweating and wheezing as if I just completed a marathon. The warm up is now over. We move on to the chair routine. At one point, I am supposed to kick my leg over the back of the chair and do a sexy twist, landing on the chair gracefully. I instead kick the chair over, racking my shin in the process. I end my lesson by cursing profusely and nursing the purple lump that is now forming on my leg. How do I explain this one to the kids?

Day 2

Maybe I’ll try the floor routine. How hard can that be?

Bending over to touch my toes is more painful of a sensation than I remember. I think I pulled a hamstring. Crawling across the floor on my hands and knees creates a popping sound reminiscent of stepping on bubble wrap—not sexy. I think I threw my neck out practicing whipping my hair. My self-esteem is now tanking.

Day 3

There are parts of my body that I can no longer move. Dare I try the third video? It’s supposed to be the juicy one that’s sure to create “sparks.” Plus, quitters never win and I paid good money for this program, so I pop it in.

I got the first two steps down, taking the make-believe gloves of off my hands.

Steps 3-75 make me feel like a flailing goose with one leg. I fumble over my feet, have no idea what I’m doing with my hands and am reminded of the one time I tried to take an advanced aerobics class. I feel like a complete moron.

I tried a few more times to get the routine together and took several more weeks to get the guts to do it in front of my husband. I got points for effort, which was the overall goal.

The DVD set is now buried at the back of the entertainment center.