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The Freedom of the Animal Spirit

If you think about how complex your day can become, it can be overwhelming. Constantly having to juggle personalities and trying to figure out how to attend to a variety of needs is a way of life for us all—especially for those who work from home.

There have been many times where I’ve been on the phone with a client and one of my kids needs my attention. My rule has been unless you are bleeding, choking or someone is dying don’t ask while I’m with the client. So, as they pantomime or write down their needs while I’m nodding and speaking with a client, I can end up feeling like the room is spinning by days end. Sound familiar?

The funny thing is that it doesn’t have to always be this complicated. Sometimes in a business (or personal situation) you try extremely hard to make your point or hammer home your ideas, when it doesn’t have to be this stressful. Of course being assertive and an authority on what you do is important; however learning to let go and allow the other party to be him- or herself will probably take you farther in the long run.

As basic as this may sound, I’ve learned a lot from my new dog, Mabel. I picked her up last Wednesday and was ready to deal with a new personality. I’ve heard that putting two female dogs together is never a good idea, especially when you have one as dominant as my Alley.

So I did some reading and mentally readied myself for anything. During their initial meeting, I could sense Alley’s body language was a little tense, whereas Mabel seemed to be laid back and open. Interestingly, it only took five short minutes for the two Labs to start running and playing. In fact, they spooned the entire three and a half hour trip home from Orlando.

Since bringing Mabel into our lives I’ve seen how open and pure she is not only with my dog but with everyone. In fact, most dogs are open and pure. They smell (of course it’s gross because they are butt smellers) each other, recognize they are both dogs and get over it all. There are no egos (although I believe some dogs DO have bigger egos), no “mind games” (probably because they have smaller brains…but still) and just open honesty.

Mabel approaches every new person with trepidation, however. She will initially bark and put her tail between her legs but within minutes she is ready to play and snuggle.

I need to remember how my dogs interact with each other when I have to deal with a difficult client or during one of my daily juggling acts.

You just need to stop, breath and relax….

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Staying at Home Comes with a Cost

As a stay-at-home parent, I constantly strive to do the right thing for my family.  Unfortunately, most often this means putting my career and professional goals on hold while I raise my sons.  I’ve always known that staying at home would be a huge sacrifice.  Yet I thought that by staying home I was saving my family money given the rising cost of childcare.  However, I came across an illuminating article that suggests that staying at home takes as much of a toll on your wallet as it does on your psyche!

According to the Women and the Economy 2010 report by the Joint Economic Committee of Congress, married couples with a working wife experienced a 1.12% raise in their income between the years of 1983 and 2008.  That’s 1.12% above the rate of inflation.  Families with one working and one stay-at-home spouse actually experienced a decrease in growth - an average of 0.22% per year.  “Families need a working wife in order to see their incomes grow.”  The statistics in the report show that in 1983 wives’ income accounted for 29% of the total household income.  This number increased to 36% by 2008.

However, these numbers don’t exactly tell the whole story.  Though families with two working parents earn more, in most cases they are spending more for childcare.  For working and middle class families the childcare expenses really add up.  According to the report, child care for an infant costs a two-parent family living at the poverty line nearly 50% of their annual income.  So while wives of these families may increase their household’s earnings, going back to work and placing the children in daycare may not improve their financial situation.

So is it more financially sound to work or to stay at home with your kids?  The report doesn’t exactly make that clear.  However, what is clear is that both decisions come with a cost.

To read the entire Women and Economy report, click here.

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Weekly Deal Roundup: 8/23/10-8/27/10

This week we brought you some deals on food that will save you money whether you decide to cook at home or go out! We even have one for the family pet, so you can feed him too!

Deal of the Day #7: Kohl’s 20-40% off all Food Network kitchen electrics and cookware

Deal of the Day #8: Coupons for Food Lion

Deal of the Day #9:15% off pet treats at PetFoodDirect.com

Deal of the Day #10: Coupons for Whole Foods

Deal of the Day #11: T.G.I. Friday’s coupon - BOGO 50% off entrees

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Some People Should Own Dogs…Others, Not So Much

Just like parents, some dog owners really have this obedience thing down pat whereas others try hard but miss the mark. I’m still trying hard, but continue to miss the mark in terms of my dog being a spoiled rotten brat.  When we got her she was only eight weeks old. A neighbor of a friend actually came across her through one of his employees at CVS drug store.  They were giving her away for free, I had two glasses of wine, looked into those big brown puppy Lab eyes and fell in love.  Of course once the hangover set in and I realized that she growled and bit anyone that came near her, I realized something was wrong.

Cute and adorable–yes. Aggressive and dominant-absolutely.   To this day I have no idea what made an eight week old puppy so fierce but I spent a good portion of her first year alleviating those aggressive tendencies and today I have an extremely loving, docile two year old Lab/mix of something dog.

She is, however spoiled. No longer will she growl or bite, but she’ll stand by the unused bidet and bark and bark until someone comes into the bathroom to turn on the cold water for her. Hey, we don’t use it, so at least we have a doggy drinking fountain.  She also sits outside until dark and won’t come in when called.  So, I’ll take her for a car ride around the neighborhood or I’ll promise to make her a spinach salad and then she’ll come running.  Yes, I know….I created this.

A week ago, I received a call from a service dog organization that we signed up for two years ago.  I learned that the organization had a service dog release program where certain dogs that don’t make the cut can be adopted.  The attraction to this program is that the dog would could to you fully trained and with manners.  We completed the application so long ago I forgot we even had one active.

When I received the call I couldn’t believe they actually had a dog ready for adoption.  My first instinct was to decline-we already had a badly behaved 70 pound Lab who still chews remote controls and guts squirrels in the front yard.  However, I’m a sucker for a dog.  The trainer must have sensed that because she started to tell me about …Mabel.  What a name!!!  So adorable. Plus she was a Lab/Golden Retriever mix, 22 months old and black…just like my dog.

I found out she was released because she barked at new faces; not a good trait for a service dog, but easy enough for a family pet.  Otherwise, she was incredibly sweet and obedient.  I curiously asked why Mabel wasn’t already adopted by her puppy raiser.  The puppy raiser has first dibs on released dogs.  Alas, Mabel’s puppy raiser couldn’t adopt Mabel because her raiser was incarcerated.  Mabel was raised in a prison for the first year and a half of her life.

Once the trainer emailed the picture that was it, I was done.  Of course my first Italian instinct was to feed the dog…she looks so sad in the photo.  So, as much as the neighbors must be rolling their eyes, off I go to pick up dog number two in Orlando. Oh yeah, and Alley has to accompany me on this three hour (one way) car trip. If the girls don’t like each other, at least we’ll find out up there.

More to come next week….

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Connecticut Rep. Works on Bill to Help Telecommuters

We all know about the advantages of working from home.  You save money, time and the hassle of a long commute.  Studies also show that workers with flexible schedules are happier and more productive.  However, telework has its downfalls.  For Connecticut workers, the disadvantages of telecommuting become glaringly apparent at tax time.  The majority of Connecticut telecommuters work for companies based in New York.  Because these employees are working across state lines, their income is being taxed by both states.  “Both states are laying claim to the same wages,” said Nancy Belson Goluboff, a New York tax attorney.  To make sure that Connecticut workers aren’t overburden by taxing, Rep. Jim Himes is pushing for a Congressional bill that will protect telecommuters from getting taxed twice.

The Telecommuter Tax Fairness Act was created to stop New York from levying such heavy taxes on Connecticut telecommuters.  The bi-partisan bill was first introduced in May of 2009 but has been stuck in committee since then.  Rep. Himes wants to jumpstart progress and help stimulate Connecticut’s economy.  “It would draw more business to Connecticut, both large and small, if there was more clarity about taxation,” Himes said. “It would be a real boon.”

Supporters of the bill hope it will bolster Connecticut’s ailing job market and eliminate some hurdles to increasing telecommuting opportunities.  According to studies by the University of Connecticut, many employers don’t offer telecommuting options because of taxation issues.  The bill would help bring clarity to these issues and make it simpler for employers to implement telecommuting policies.  The Federal Communications Commissions advocates this and other pieces of legislation that would “dismantle tax and regulatory barriers to telecommuting.”  According to the FCC, telecommuting could provide work opportunities to over 17.5 million people including retirees and disabled individuals.  For more information on the Telecommuter Tax Fairness Act, click here.

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WAHM Weekly Deal Roundup

Check out our roundup of this week’s deals and discounts! Shop now and save before the deals end!

WAHM Deal of the Day #1: Save 30% in store and online at Aeropostale

WAHM Deal of the Day #2: 40% Off at The Gap Today Only

WAHM Deal of the Day #3: 39% off select Latitude small business laptops at Dell

WAHM Deal of the Day #4: 20% off when you shop online at Payless.com

WAHM Deal of the Day #5: Save 30% on all Kids Art Store items at Snapfish

WAHM Deal of the Day #6:Join Zulily and get up to 70% off daily deals

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Talking to Your Kids before They Go Back to School

For those of you with little ones, enjoy these precious innocent moments.  Sure you are up to your eyeballs in sippy cups and baby food but this afternoon I had a reminder about how complicated the teen years have become.

My children, age 9 and 13, are going back to school on Monday.  A friend of mine who works for our school system mentioned that she heard that a child from my son’s middle school had committed suicide last week. I hadn’t heard anything in the newspaper so I wondered (and hoped) it was a rumor.

I called a few other parents with children who go to the same middle school, and although none of them heard anything, one parent brought a tribute memorial Facebook page to my attention.  All it had was a girl’s name and RIP.

Unfortunately, after a little researching and Googling, I learned that it wasn’t a rumor and it was true.  The child was 14 years old, had gone to my son’s middle school and was about to begin high school next week.  Apparently, last Monday, August 9^th,  she took her life and it appears she threw it all away because she was being unmercifully bullied.  The tribute her father wrote in her memory guestbook brought me to tears as he wrote about his baby that he’ll never see again.

However, when I logged onto the Facebook page I found some hideous, disparaging remarks made about the girl on the page, about her suicide and what happened.  We all grieve in different ways but some of these comments were downright cruel.  None of this was even in the realm of being acceptable and should not be tolerated-you have to wonder, where are the parents behind these children writing awful comments?

It may be obnoxious but when I agreed to allow my son to have a Facebook page it was under the condition that I had full access (with password) to check it. Luckily, my son only wanted Facebook to play Farmville, lost his cell phone months ago and could care less.  In fact I’m on his Facebook page far more than he!

Anyway, I sat my son down to have a brief discussion of what I learned. I knew he would be bombarded with talk of this tragedy at school and I wanted to talk to him beforehand. He was bullied briefly back in fourth grade; however we worked through it with counseling and he learned the necessary skills to combat mean-spirited children. He learned that he has the power to change the situation.  I’m not the kind of parent that starts demanding that the school system or others change their behavior because that simply won’t happen.  I want my children to know that they have control over how they react and act, which is what he has learned.

Hearing about this suicide was like having an ice cold bucket of water dumped on your head.  How could this continue to happen again and again? I can only imagine the amount of guilt piled onto the enormous grief her parents must feel, how their lives are pretty much over.

It’s also terrible to think that so many parents are forced to work outside the home and the kids are left to their own devices.  So many middle (and elementary) school children were left at home all summer…alone at home while their parents worked.  Can’t be helped, but it leaves a lot of idle time.

I’m certainly not going to make a million bucks or even close.  Working in an office would probably make more sense financially, but now more than ever I’m thankful I’m here and accessible to my children whenever they need me.  Sometimes you can’t prevent tragedy, but this crazy life I’ve created, trying to work and take care of kids simultaneously, is the only way I can do it. Especially today.

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New Study Supports Working Moms

For mothers, the decision whether or not to go back to work after the birth of their child is extremely difficult. Many women must work in order to support their families and put food on the table. However, those in a more comfortable financial position are often tormented by the decision of whether to stay at home with their kids full-time or continue to pursue their career goals. Until recently, data suggested that children whose mothers went back to work within the first 12 months of their lives suffered developmental setbacks. Yet, a new study by Columbia professors suggests that children of working mothers are no worse off than those of stay at home moms.

Jeanne Brooks-Gunn, Wen-Jui Han and Jane Waldfogel observed 1,364 children. Dissatisfied by the lack of nuance in the data of previous studies, the professors sought to look at how other factors may contribute to a child of a working mother’s cognitive development. The results showed that the children of working mothers did at times score lower on cognitive tests than those of stay-at-home moms. However, it also revealed that children of working mothers who significantly increased their family’s income, opted for high quality childcare or responded to their children’s needs scored just as well as their peers.

The study also looked at how race and ethnicity affected outcomes. The data showed that children of black working mothers did not score lower on cognitive tests then children whose mothers elected to stay home. “One hypothesis was that black children are not as affected by mothers going back to work because they are culturally more likely to be taken care of by relatives, while white children are more likely to go into institutional day care or to be cared for by nannies and babysitters who are not related to them.”

Perhaps the most important revelation was that “maternal sensitivity” makes a huge difference in the development of a child. Children of mothers who responded to their needs when they were around scored well on their tests. Brooks-Gunn suggests that maternal sensitivity can offset any negative effects that may be produced by a mother going back to work during her child’s infancy.  For most children, it wasn’t the quantity of time they spent with their mother but the QUALITY of time that impacted their cognitive development and emotional growth.

For more information on this new study, click here.

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So You Think You Can Dance?

…actually a better title for this blog is, “So You Think You Can Get the Dead Squirrel Away from Your Labrador Retriever?” However, I’ll concede that the act of trying to grab the squirrel from a wild animal is very similar to dancing.

It was a hot, steamy rainy day in South Florida. Alley, my two-year old Lab had been in the house for the majority of the day and was growing antsy. She had already chewed her 15^th remote control to bits and was simply looking for trouble.

Desperate, I finally let her outside in the rain when it stopped storming and was simply raining at a steady pace.  I understood how she felt on this rainy Saturday. Everyone seemed a little stir crazy. My daughter had finished the Twilight series on DVD and was officially convinced a vampire was going to bite her tonight and my son had bloodshot eyes from playing too much World of Warcraft.

Finally, the voice of reason, my husband says that we should get out of the house and maybe go to dinner.  Great, but Alley was still outside.  We have an electric fence around our property which about an acre plus so chasing her in (since she gives me a dirty look when I say “come”) was tough.

However she seemed to be occupied behind a tree so I hoped I could sneak up behind her and grab the unwitting dog.  As the rain fell softly on the grass, I tip toed closer to the dog who seemed to be overly occupied with something in the grass.

I neared the animal only to realize that “something in the grass” was a squirrel…a dead squirrel…a dead squirrel that was now missing his head.

She joyously flipped its poor, lifeless body in the air and that’s when I took off running and trying not to vomit. I ran into the house to tell my family and all three of them shrugged their shoulders and said, “Oh well…let’s go to dinner!”

None of those civilians witnessed the gore and horror of the headless squirrel so they had their appetite.  Unsure how to combat this response, I willingly went along to dinner and left Alley outside with her friend.

When we returned home a few hours later, it was still raining and Alley was still playing. But I wasn’t anymore.  I had to get her in the house and get rid of the body in my front yard.

A few things I learned when trying to catch a crazed animal:

• Look the animal directly in the eyes and don’t lose eye contact.
• Act very nonchalant when approaching the dog; she’ll think you are up to something if you lunge at her (I learned the hard way).
• Give up-they’ll eventually get tired.

It was like we were dancing-I would lunge one way, she the other.  I would get close enough to grab her, but she would elude me every time. She was like a skillful running back (is that the football player who bobs and weaves???) playing keep away, but instead with a headless squirrel.

The more I chased, the more excited she became. This dog who sleeps 20 hours a day had more energy than ever. Eventually, came back into the house, drenched from the downpour only to watch Alley celebrating in the grass.

It wasn’t until dark that we finally got her inside, threw her in the bathtub and put her in her room.  My husband had the dubious honor of finding the carcass, which he did and disposed of it.

One troubling aspect (among many that evening) was that we couldn’t find the squirrel head.  For weeks I avoided walking in my grass, worried that I would stumble across the head, like something from Law and Order Miami, but I never did.  Did she eat it?  She’s not talking either.

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Telecommuters Refuse to Be Taken Advantage Of!

A few days ago, the Wall Street Journal posted this fantastic blog article about the struggles of being a work-at-home parent. According to Jeffrey Zaslow who penned the article, telecommuting moms and dads are often put in a tight spots by other parents who ask them to pick up their kids, walk their dogs and do their share of PTA duty among other things. Working parents assume that because other moms and dads stay at home that they have time to run their errands. I know that there have been a number of times when my friends and relatives have asked me to do favors for them because I was “going to be home anyway.” Apparently, telecommuters and stay-at-home parents have had enough and are fighting back!

According to recent statistics published by the Telework Coalition around 35 million people now work from their home. That’s an increase of 15 million from 2000. As the number of telecommuting workers continues to grow so does their frustration about being their neighbor’s doormats. Many at-homers are finding solace and strength in internet forums and chat groups. Online, at-home-workers can vent about their neighbor’s unreasonable requests and initiate “just say no” campaigns. “A lot of at-homers who commiserate online are torn between their willingness to help and their resentment. They get calls from their local school to pick up sick kids because other parents have listed them as emergency contacts without asking. They comply with breathlessly urgent requests from working friends—only to be hit with more so-called crisis requests.”

In addition to using the internet as a place to voice their concerns, stay-at-homers are also finding ways to turn their frustrations into dollars. New websites like taskrabbit.com connect people with at-home workers who are available to run personal errands for a fee. Currently, the service is only available in the San Francisco and Boston areas. However, Taskrabbit hopes to expand to other cities in the near future.

Many at-homers find it difficult to say “no” to their friend’s requests. However, Zaslow stresses the importance of setting boundaries and knowing your own limitations. It’s also crucial that those who work at the office understand the time commitment involved in raising children or running a business from your home. Most at-homers are happy to help out a neighbor, Zaslow observes. But being a good neighbor is a two-way street and office workers should look for ways to show at-homers their gratitude and return the favor. For Zaslow’s full article, click here.

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